And nobody seems to notice. ", 76. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. ", 108. Check out100 Best Dad Jokes50 Thinking of You Quotes50 Friday Quotes50 Monday Motivation Quotes101Bad Puns200Jokes for Kids, Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television. They've got the judges in their back pockets. If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent politicians, and they get into office and screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. That doesnt help them. The video featured audio from George's Wake Up America bit combined with imagery of events and people in today's society. This country is full of nitwits and assholes. "In America, anyone can become president. ", 9. Carlin did this better than anyone else. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' "So, have a little fun. ""These days many politicians are demanding change. ", 19. Photo: Matthias Clamer (modified by author) Source: Getty Images One-liner jokes. I'm used to dogs. It sounds like this: What, they have bigger dicks? ", 39. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town , the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with. ", 29. The legendary comic, who died in 2008 at the age of 71, is also the subject of an upcoming two-part documentary, George Carlins American Dream, which debuts on HBO Max later this month: By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. 01. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, Religion has actually convinced people that theres an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. The _ga cookie, installed by Google Analytics, calculates visitor, session and campaign data and also keeps track of site usage for the site's analytics report. Fascism won it. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! And they all vote. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. This cookie is used to detect and defend when a client attempt to replay a cookie.This cookie manages the interaction with online bots and takes the appropriate actions. "I don't have pet peeves. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. "The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. "I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. The sp_t cookie is set by Spotify to implement audio content from Spotify on the website and also registers information on user interaction related to the audio content. "Would a fly without wings be called a walk? ", 102. "Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers? The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". Theyre all in favor of the unborn. They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? Theyre anti-woman, simple as it gets, he said. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? They've got you by the balls. You don't. You have no choice! An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this weeks reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. Save the planet; we dont even know how to take care of ourselves yet. ", 125. They should be more vivid. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. That doesnt help them. "If four out of five people suffer from diarrhea does that mean that one enjoys it? Known for his funny and sarcastic quotes, we think you'll get a kick out of his words. If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. This cookie is used for implementing audio files on the website. It's kind of bread-and-butter liberal (which during the counterculture 60s was pretty radical, but maybe not very en vogue with a younger crowd nowadays who are a bit more lefty). A unique user identifier cookie, set by Microsoft Application Insights software, that enables counting of the number of users accessing the application over time. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. ", 3. That's the problem. He was 71 years old. This cookie is set by Akamai. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. "We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. ", 91. It gloriously backfired, Dictionary.com just added several new LGBTQ+ words & also grundle, Love, drugs & the club: As a gay man, life looks different with a new disability, Kim Petras says the road to fame while trans was twice as long, School bans parents as a threat to kids over LGBTQ-affirming posts, Sam Smith is trending on Twitter and the discourse is truly Unholy. . It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. "When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. ", 120. (LogOut/ "Never argue with an idiot. So we are going to have to do lots of things different as a Black community," Ice Cube said in a video shared on Twitter on October 11. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. ", 124. He missed this one. "The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. "I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me theyre cramming for their final exam. Thell get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this fuckin place. George Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic and author. ", 58. Thats what the owners count on, Carlin intones. "He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f**k things up this badly. ""You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he. Teach them to question everything. George Carlin, People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. "One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". Carlins truth-telling about the influence of corporations in America and the willful blindness that allowed someone like Trump to assume power. You caused the problem. Bomb them! And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. Two decades later, the anti-abortion movement hasn't really changed. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. - George Carlin. "I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. He saw it from a . They OWN YOU. ", 96. "If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. Petras said shes glad the industry is finally catching on to her talent. "How can [God] be perfect? ", 116. And apparently, Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions. George Carlin, Im completely in favor of the separation of Church and State These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, If there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that hes at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesnt give a shit. But once youre born, youre on your own. They own everything" "They've. "Men are from. When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. ", 95. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. "I don't know if we could count on any parties to get us out this s**t, to be honest. He was as prolific as he was profound, with a career spanning nearly five decades, 23 albums, 14 HBO specials, 130 Tonight Show appearances and three books (plus posthumous releases). Because he was a genius, and here are 11 quotes that prove it: 1. Ice Cube may be engaging in a political kerfuffle with Democrats following the news of his latest partnership with President Donald Trump's administration for the "Platinum Plan," but the rapper and actor is keen on letting his fans and followers know that he is not necessarily banding together with the government, despite what the past week of headlines might suggest. I say: 'No no no,' because that really would be the kiss of death," Carlin said in his final interview before his death in 2008. "Electricity is really just organized lightning. I mean, life is tough. ", 6. of American cultural paradoxes.. You probably know what pinkwashing and queerbaiting are, but how about abrosexual and multisexual? They own everything. "Everyone smiles in the same language. "Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. This cookie is set by DoubleClick and is used for re-targeting, optimisation, reporting and attribution of online adverts. George Carlin. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails. And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. I recall many years ago, when he was guest-hosting the Tonight show, George Carlin having a somewhat strained political conversation with the comedian Shelley Winters. ", 20. There is actually a semi-important figure in American history who is named for a blow-job movie. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. After that, they dont wanna know about you. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, "Back In Town," Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: "Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. "'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. ", 36. ", 97. ", 21. The Bachelorette's Angie Kent and Carlin Sterritt have been on holiday together in Vietnam the past week and sharing lots of glamorous selfies. You don't. You have no choice. You show a clip of a young Richard Pryor and a young George Carlin on the set together with John Davidson. They dont pass through a membrane from another reality. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. ", 63. Deal with it. George Carlin, Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice? George Carlin, Were so self-important. "Maybe its not the politicians who suck; maybe its something else. They dont give a fuck about you. They own, and control the corporation. ""Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. War is a whole lot of men standing out on a field waving their pricks at one another. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: Its call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it., RIP George Carlin. That's what the owners count on; the fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes everyday. You have no choice. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. "What if there were no hypothetical questions? A cat's "meow" can be a "woof" for him. They dont want to hear from you. Everyones at the mall, scratching his balls and buying sneakers with lights in them. Being woke, leading the charge in cancel culture, fighting censorship, and supporting those who are vulnerable and don't have a voice. And if somehow, you must join, if its unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. A cookie set by YouTube to measure bandwidth that determines whether the user gets the new or old player interface. You ever notice that? . If youre offended by foul language dont watch this f**king video. AddThis sets this geolocation cookie to help understand the location of users who share the information. No nothing. 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The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick that's being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: It's call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.". The embattled gay representative has denied his drag persona, but these three performers have embraced her with comedic flair! I like people who buck the system. Whatever you do dont make it go viral! ""Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of 'em are stupider than that. This cookie is used for embedding The Guardian video player. I don't trust none of them. This problem can be solved by pre-school children in 5-10 minutes. George Carlin. They own you. Famous and remained in the controversies for his dark comedy and the reflections on politics, religions, and social taboo, Carlin is . ", 109. YouTube sets this cookie to store the video preferences of the user using embedded YouTube video. 44. Enter your email address to follow Motley News. Believe me, my friend. 1 Every year in January, WEF holds its annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland. Used to help protect the website against Cross-Site Request Forgery attacks. ", 23. They own everything. Installed by Google Analytics, _gid cookie stores information on how visitors use a website, while also creating an analytics report of the website's performance. The cookie is set by Snapchat to show relevant ads to the users by tracking user behaviour on Snapchat. Its you. In fact, liberals are so successful at winning the culture war that they are alienating most Americans. No nothing. 02. You voted them in. He has written many books full of brutally honest sayings and jokes, like Brain Droppings, When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?, Last Words, and more. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. ", 61. It creates a hostile work environment. This cookie is used for storing country code selected from country selector. They got you by the balls. After harping on his skepticism of politicians, particularly Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, 51-year-old Ice Cube doubled down on his distrust of the government on Tuesday by sharing a famous quote by the late, great comedian George Carlin on Twitter.

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